Insertion Part 9: Cologne's Trick by Sean D'Anna ===== "What's wrong?" said Kasumi as she looked down at Ranma for a moment in shock. "The water! That old hag!" snarled the girl angrily. She was currently in the nude, and looking at the luke-warm furo hatefully. "What the heck are you talking about?" said Akane as she strolled in with Nabiki. "That old bat! She hit me with some shiatsu that makes my body overly sensitive! I can't change back into a boy!" said Ranma as she stood up and glared at the water. "Old woman?" said Nabiki in confusion. "What are you talking about, you idiot?" snapped Akane. Ranma merely walked out of the bathroom, grabbing her clean clothes as she went. "I've got to go see someone. I don't know when I'll be back." "That was weird," commented Nabiki as she watched him go. "Oh my," muttered Kasumi. "He's up to something, I can smell it," said Akane. "You've been saying that since he got here," pointed out Nabiki. "So?" muttered the girl in embarrassment. "I'm going after him," said Nabiki as she rushed out of the room. +++++++++++ "You don't mean my little 'Full Body Cat's Tongue' do you?" chuckled Cologne as she looked the angry Ranma in the face. "Yeah, that one," replied the redhead. "I could give you the cure, if you promise to come back with my Shampoo," said the old woman with a crafty looking chuckle. "Or, I could trade it for her life," said Ranma casually as she leaned against the counter and looked at her fingernails for a moment. "You couldn't," muttered Cologne. "You know I could," replied the pigtailed girl lazily. "I'm willing to be reasonable. How about I work for it?" "What's that?" said the old woman. "I'm willing to work out some kind of agreement, or challenge. Something reasonable of course," said the pigtailed girl calmly. "You can take my offer, or I'll just make Shampoo disappear for a while." "And how do you plan to do that?" said Cologne cautiously. "That would be telling wouldn't it?" said the redhead with a smirk. "Come on, let's work something out." "Very well," conceded the old woman after a moment of thought. Her smile had turned rather cheerful. "I just opened my business, and I am in need of a server to wait tables. If I should happen to drop this in the course of the day..." She held up a large ball attached to a necklace. "What's that thing?" said Ranma as she looked at it. "It is called the Phoenix Pill, and it is the cure for your condition," said Cologne cheerfully. "You got a deal," said Ranma with a smirk on her face. "Great Grandmother, Shampoo..." the young amazon walked out of the kitchen with a confused frown on her face. It quickly changed into a mask of anger as she noticed the girl standing with the old woman. "Ranma! I kill!" "Huh? You mean, you didn't...?" The girl looked at Cologne for a moment and sighed as the old woman simply shook her head negative. "Great," said the girl with a smirk on her face as she dashed out of the room, with Shampoo in hot pursuit. +++++++++++++ "Well, now what?" said Carrot as he stepped out of the alleyway they had ducked into and watched the amazon girl fade into the distance. "What the heck are we doing? Why don't we just take that stupid pill?" snapped Ranma angrily. "I don't see any point in dragging this out," said Dan irritably. "We're going to need this speed training, that's why," said Carrot calmly. "Speed training?" muttered Ranma in confusion. "That's right, taking that pill away from that old woman isn't going to be as easy as you think. Dan and I aren't going to help you either," said Carrot. "What? You jerks!" "What the hell are you talking about?" snarled Dan as he grabbed them by their neck and pushed them against the wall. Carrot merely smirked. "If Ranma trains in the Chestnut Fist, then we'll all be much faster. We can take the pill from her working together, but if the body is trained, think about what we can do then." "Chestnut Fist?" said Ranma in confusion. "I think I get it," said Dan reluctantly as he released them from his grip. "It's agreed then, we play along for a while, and then show this old bat what we're made of," said Carrot cheerfully. "Right," agreed the other two, although Ranma had no idea what he was agreeing too. ++++++++++++ Nabiki frowned as she saw Ranma nodding too himself like he did sometimes. Her eyebrow raised slightly when she saw him grab himself by the neck and push himself up against a nearby wall. It hadn't been hard to follow him after he left the restaurant and talked with that old woman. The Chinese girl left a rather messy trail behind her. "Who the heck are these people? What do they have to do with Ranma?" she muttered under her breath. She had heard some of the conversation between Ranma and that old crone, and knew that the girl had gotten a part time job for some reason. "I can use that, I'm betting more than a few boys will pay good money to hear about a new restaurant with that kind of waitress." She chuckled and faded away. +++++++++++ "You what?" said Cologne as she looked at the redhead in shock. "I put these up," said Ranma cheerfully as she looked down at her new boss. "Well, I never expected you to do something like that, son-in- law," said the old hag cheerfully as she handed her the next order. There was a small exchange of blows as she attempted to grab the bowls. "If I'm gonna be here, and stuck like this, I might as well make some extra money," replied the girl as she walked away with several bowls now balanced on her head. +++++++++++ Nabiki seethed as she looked at the walls of Furinkan. Hundreds of fliers were now stuck on the lockers. She now realized what Ranma had been doing when she came home so late that night. She'd been making copies. "That little witch! How dare she undermine me!" She pulled one of them off the wall and stared at the advertisement hatefully. On the page, were a photo of Ranma in his girl form, and another snapshot of Shampoo he'd managed to take. The ad explained that the girls were real waitresses at the restaurant, and that they'd be happy to serve them as best they could. Implying a kind of service that she knew wasn't going to happen. Still, the idiot boys were standing around the places with the fliers on the walls, drooling like morons. She crumpled up the page and almost screamed in frustration. Now, not even Kuno would pay her for information about the place today. She had seen the moronic kendoist staring at one of the fliers with disgust on his face. "The honorless cur, it disgusts me," he had commented as he turned away from the page. +++++++++++++ "This is fun," deadpanned Ranma as she dodged another set of throwing knives and a crushing mace blow with bowls of hot soup balanced all across her arms. "Well, it's good training," said Carrot lazily. "It takes all three of us to navigate this mess, you just worry about that pill," snapped Dan as he casually sidestepped another volley of thrown weapons. Shampoo and Mousse had both started to take any cheap shot they could get in while they worked. Cologne had ordered her to not chase the girl away during business hours, but leaving work each night had become a mad dash to escape the pair. It was no coincidence that the woman did not command them to stop attacking her. Fortunately, they were very careful about hitting customers, and only attempted to kill her when they had a clear shot. Cologne hopped up to them and smiled after her deliveries were made. "Son in law, come with me for a moment." ++++++++++++ "I'd like to show you something," said the old woman as she started a fire and pulled out a bag of chestnuts from her robe. "Huh?" muttered Ranma in confusion as she watched the old woman toss the bag into the fire. "Watch closely," said Cologne. She then proceeded to reach in and pluck them out of the fire. "Not bad," commented Ranma as her eyes narrowed. "With this technique, taking the Phoenix Pill will be child's play," said the old woman cheerfully. She hopped away and left the redhead alone to her own devices for a while. +++++++++++ "What is that idiot doing?" muttered Akane as she watched the girl sit out in the yard with a small campfire. "She's been at it for a week now," commented Nabiki lazily. "Is she still working at that restaurant?" asked Akane as she looked at her sister. "Every night," said the girl with a nod. "We hardly ever see your fiancee." "Good," snapped Akane. Genma walked out and frowned at his son. "Boy! What do you think you're doing?" "Training," was the reply as Ranma burned her hands yet again. "This new job of yours is taking away from your skills! I won't allow it!" snapped Genma angrily. Ranma looked down at the small, slightly burnt wristwatch she had started wearing. "Hey, it's time for Dragonball." She stood up and started towards the television. "That's enough boy! You're going soft!" snapped Genma as he hefted the girl over his shoulder. Ranma twisted in midair and landed on her feet. "Right, I think I showed you how soft I've been getting," snapped Ranma angrily as she charged the man. "What?" muttered Genma in surprise. Ranma had vanished, and then reappeared directly in front of him. Genma quickly snapped out of his stupor and attacked. Ranma was dancing around him as easily as if it was Akane fighting him. "What's the matter old man? Can't hit me?" "Boy, you should learn some respect!" snapped Genma as he pushed himself a little harder, no longer holding back. Ranma took a blow too the side of his head and staggered back for a moment. "Not bad old man." "Huh?" muttered Genma in shock as he looked at his fist. "Ha!" cried Ranma as he jumped up and kicked the man in his face. Genma was sent across the back yard by the force of the blow, and didn't stop until he slammed into the wall. Ranma snorted and turned towards the TV. +++++++++++ It was a rerun, but that didn't matter much because the boys were talking amongst themselves inside Ranma's head again. "What just happened?" said Ranma. "Since when are we that good?" "Easy, we've been training for six hours a night," said Carrot calmly. "Shampoo and Mousse spend all their time trying to kill us. We dodge that while balancing bowls, plus we attack that old ghoul every chance we get. What did you expect?" "I never thought about it like that, I've just been focused on that pill," said Ranma dumbly. "Great," muttered Dan. "So, now what?" "Ranma hasn't learned the Chestnut Fist," said Carrot. "We keep doing this until he does." "Makes sense," said Dan with an indifferent shrug. "Man, I barely felt that punch," said Ranma as he looked back at his father, who was still sleeping against the wall outside. "Well, we beat ourselves up on a regular basis," commented Carrot. "You jerks deserved that beating! I said I wanted Thai!" snapped Dan defensively. "We wanted Ramen," countered Ranma. "Let's not start that again," said Carrot irritably. "Look, the fact is that this is good for us. So we keep doing it." "Right," agreed the others. +++++++++++++ "Follow the rabbit? What the hell does that mean?" said Minako as she wandered through the streets of Juban. Artemis was poking his head out of her purse, and watching the road. "It is a bit cryptic, all we've found so far are a few magicians. Bad ones at that." "So, do we give up and go home now?" said Minako in a slightly whiny voice. "I suppose there's nothing else we can do," agreed Artemis. "Gahhh! I hate school!" said a rather loud girl from behind them. "You should study for your tests more," commented a goofy looking boy that stood next to her. "Shut up Umino! Don't you have a home?" snapped the blonde irritably. She had a rather unusual hairstyle. "Don't be so mean Usagi, he didn't mean it," said the girl who was standing next to her. "Of course I meant it! How do you expect to be successful without an education?" cried Umino. "Marry a rich man?" said Usagi obliviously. "I suppose you're right Naru, I mean, I'm still young and all." "I didn't mean you shouldn't study at all," said the girl. Artemis and Minako looked at each other for a moment as the group walked by them. "Usagi?" said the cat. "You don't think?" said Minako. "Let's go!" Artemis put his ears back and stared forward at the girl. "Don't let her get away!" Just beside them, a shadowy figure watched the scene and chuckled to herself. "Right! Everything is going according to the plan!" She watched them vanish into the crowd and turned to melt into the shadows. The effect was ruined, as a loud clanging noise, followed by a crash filled the deserted alley. "Ouchies! Stupid fire escape ladder!" squealed Tsuki as she found herself sprawled out in a pile of garbage bags. She was rubbing her forehead and glaring at the offending object above her irritably. After a moment of grumbling to herself, she looked up at the sky with tears in her eyes. "Don't worry Pluto-sama! I won't fail, not like you did!" ++++++++++++ "Have you mastered that technique I showed you yet?" said Cologne as she jumped over the wall of the Tendo home and paused. Ranma was smiling cheerfully, dressed in a yukata with the rest of the family. "Hie, boss!" "What's going on here? I expected you to be in training," said Cologne as she hopped over to the girl's side. "I'm takin a little time off today. We're going to the fair," said the redhead cheerfully. "Hey, I got the haunted house from seven to eight right?" "That is correct," confirmed Cologne as she watched them wander towards the door. "Kay, see ya then," said Ranma as she followed after them. "Hey! Wait up you jerks!" "Most unusual," said Cologne to herself as she hopped away. ++++++++++ "Come on, be a man!" said Ranma as she looked down at the boy who was sitting next to her at one of the food booths at the fair. He was becoming violently sick. "Jeez, one little drink and you're done already?" She took another shot of Sake and left him with the bill. Akane was watching the scene in shocked horror. "What are you doing?" "Having a drink," said Ranma obliviously. "With a boy?" snapped the girl angrily. "Hey, he offered too buy me a drink," said the girl with a shrug. "I said yes." "You pervert!" snapped Akane. "If I am, it's none of your business is it?" replied the redhead calmly. "But...I..." stammered Akane. "Look, the kid thought he was being a badass when he offered too buy me a drink. Thought he'd impress me with how wild and rebellious he was. I taught him a lesson. It's amazing what these jerks will do to impress a pretty girl." "What?" said Akane dumbly. "Heh, that idiot thought he could match me drink for drink," said Ranma cheerfully. "How many did you have?" said Akane as she looked back at the unfortunate boy. He was still getting sick. "Well, I downed six at first, plus two more after he started doing that," said Ranma as he looked back at the scene for a moment. "That's eight." "Well, I'm impressed Saotome," said Nabiki as she walked up to them. "Win a lot of bets that way?" "I'd planned on starting. I've got a very high alcohol tolerance," said the redhead casually. "I just had eight drinks, and all I feel right now is a little warm." "Boy! Why didn't you tell me you discovered the Saotome Secret Drinking Technique?" said Genma as he slapped Ranma in the back of her head. "Huh? We've got a family technique for that?" said the girl dumbly. Genma looked up and saw the Tendos staring at him. "Um, no. Of course not boy, I was just joking." "Saotome, I seem to recall an evening that led up to this glorious union between the schools..." "Don't worry about it Tendo. I assure you I was just as drunk as you were," said Genma in what was an obvious lie. "My poor departed wife nearly decapitated me for that! How could you Saotome!?" "Calm down Tendo, it worked out for the best in the end, didn't it?" comforted Genma as he pat the man on his back. Ranma decided to slip away as the two men now had the angry attention of three teenage girls on them. She walked near a fish catching booth and listened to the call of the man working there for a moment. "Catch em all take em home for free!" "Heh," she strolled over and sat down in front of the tank. "I'll take that challenge." ++++++++++ Soun and Genma were lying in the middle of the midway, beaten too within an inch of their lives when Akane walked up behind her and saw the prizes Ranma had won. She had several bags full of fish, and a large tank full of piranha. "Where did you get those?" she asked dumbly. "Huh? Oh, I won them playing that game over there," replied the redhead casually as she handed the tank over to the girl. "Here, hold this for a minute." "You mean where that man is crying, and putting up a closed sign?" "Yup, that's the one," said Ranma cheerfully. She was handing out the fish too a large group of children that was passing by. "There. I'd give those away, but they're dangerous." Said the redhead as she took the tank back. "See ya later, I've got to go work my shift at the haunted house now." Akane merely waved and watched her go. ++++++++++++ Carrot smirked as he strolled up to Cologne. "Hiya, boss." "Good, you're here," said the old woman as she glanced back at Shampoo for a moment. "Fifteen minutes early too." "Yeah well," said the redhead with a shrug. She glanced at the Amazon girl and frowned for a moment. "It'll be hard to work with her and her boyfriend trying to kill me the whole time." "They are not permitted to attack you at the moment," said Cologne cheerfully. "I bet you thought I'd be a little more pressured to go with you with those two idiots trying to kill me huh?" "My but you're perceptive," chuckled Cologne. "I mastered that technique by the way," said Ranma as she held up her hand and dangled the pill's box in front of the woman's face. "Gah! How?" "Not bad huh?" said the redhead cheerfully. She popped open the box and took the candy drop from inside. "Hey, it's grape!" she said cheerfully as she walked over to where she would get her makeup and costume from. "Thanks for the candy drop." Cologne narrowed her eyes at the girl. "He is perceptive. Even I would have assumed that it was the real pill." +++++++++++ "Boy! What are you doing?" snapped Genma angrily as he saw Ranma standing in front of the haunted house in a kimono. She was holding a small lantern in front of her and announcing the presence of the attraction to the passing crowd. "Attracting customers," said the girl obliviously. "And getting hit on a lot too," she added with a slight frown. "Wow, you look good in a kimono, Saotome," said Nabiki as she strolled up with her sisters. "What kind of man takes a job like this?" snapped Genma as he attempted too grab hi son. She sidestepped and he fell flat on his face. "A man who's cursed to turn into a girl," said Ranma with a small shrug as she looked down at him. "You guys goin in?" "Of course," said Nabiki cheerfully. "It probably isn't scary anyway," muttered Akane. "Oh my! I think I'll wait out here," said Kasumi nervously. "Enjoy," said Ranma as she watched the two younger girls go into the building. Akane was dragging the crying Soun in by his collar. "Really Tendo!" said her father as he walked just behind them. Kasumi turned towards Ranma and frowned. "It doesn't bother you that you turn into a girl?" "Huh?" Ranma blinked at her and then smiled. "Of course it does, but if you have to live with it, live with it well." "I see. So you're making the best of the situation?" said the girl with an understanding smile. "You've got it!" said the redhead as she winked at her. ++++++++++++ "I'm Sailor Moon?" said Usagi in shock as she looked down at herself in wonder. Luna nodded her head. "That's right, defender of love and justice! The pretty sailor soldier! Sailor Moon!" "So, I find you at last Sailor Moon." Both Usagi and Luna turned and gasped as they saw Sailor V standing in the window, watching them both. A small white cat padded its way around her feet silently. "Who?" muttered Usagi in confusion. "Artemis?" gasped Luna in shock as she stared at the white cat. ++++++++++ "Bwahahahahaha! My master plan is going exactly as I had envisioned it!" said Tsuki as she stood on a rooftop nearby and pointed her finger up at the moon. "Soon, I shall awaken all the Senshi, and then we'll destroy the one who dared hurt my, Mistress Pluto!" +++++++++++ Naru woke up in the dead of night and walked down the stairs. She rubbed her eyes sleepily and paused when she saw her mother in the middle of the room with a large sack of jewelry in her grasp. "Mom? What's going on?" The thing that looked like her mother slowly turned around, and glared at her. ++++++++++++ Pluto opened her eyes, she was still inside her healing tank, but her body was looking much better now. Unfortunately, she still had a long way to go before she could leave the protective liquid. "No! What's he doing here so early?" she thought as she stared into the darkness. "It's too soon! They shouldn't be here yet! What is happening?" Her mind turned the situation over and over. She could come up with only one answer. "Genaku." It had to be. He was the only one with enough chaos around him to manipulate events beyond the time gate's vision. She clenched her jaw, causing a new surge of pain through her body. He had to be destroyed, now more than ever. ++++++++++++ TBC... Next time, a day at the beach, and more Genaku.