Insertion Part 3: Hallway Horrors by Sean D'Anna ===== Before we begin, I'd like to clear something up. Dan and Carrot never get spoken lines. All dialogue with them is internal, meaning, inside Ranma's head. The outside world only sees Ranma Saotome, so that's what their dialogue to the outside world will be labeled as. Before anyone suggests that I use a different punctuation system, such as "" for speech, [] for thoughts, ** for Chinese, and () for Pig Latin. I'd just like to point out that this method is bad grammar. I won't do it. It's pretty obvious who's saying what most of the time, so a system like that isn't needed; and shouldn't be. If you have a doubt, look at the context of what's being said, and it should be clear. If it isn't, it probably isn't that important, or an ambiguous statement anyway. +++++++++++ Nabiki Tendo was in a good mood. Tatewaki Kuno stood before her, with a bandage wrapped around his neck. "What?! Fiancee!" said the boy in shock. "Uh huh, my dad and his dad decided. Akane's going to marry Ranma," said the girl cheerfully. "Ranma Saotome!" cried the boy in anguish. "Kuno! Go stand in the hall!" said the teacher. Within thirty seconds, Kuno was racing down the hallway with a pair of buckets in his grasp. "I forbid it!" ++++++++++ "Well, it seems that our new student, Ranma Saotome, has recently returned from a visit to China. So lets all give him a warm Nihao welcome," said the teacher lazily as he read the file. "You can take that seat over there." He pointed out a random seat and the ponytailed boy sat down. +++++++++++ Ranma Saotme, was not happy. Not because of anything that was happening to him now, but because he had forgotten to be late to class. "So, we missed Kuno, big deal," said Dan lazily. "What are you talking about?" grumbled Ranma. "Nothing important. I doubt if we'll miss him. He'll come crashing through that door any minute now," commented Carrot lazily. To the class, he looked rather board, and Akane was giving him nasty looks from her seat nearby. He yawned and looked over at the door for a moment. "Three...two...one..." said Carrot calmly. ++++++++++ "I shall not allow it!" roared Kuno as he burst through the doorway. "What the?" said Akane in shock. "Nabiki told him," said Ranma as he glanced back at her lazily. Akane blinked and glanced at him for a moment, before Kuno started his rant. "I shall not allow this falsehood of an engagement to continue! Never! I shall not allow your engagement to Akane Tendo, Ranma Saotome!" screamed the boy at the top of his lungs. Akane went pale, every student looked at the trio of students blankly. "I don't need your permission, Kuno. There's nothing you can do, it's a matter of family honor, and none of your business. Unless you really want to fuck up Akane Tendo's giri, I suggest you forget about it." "Giri?" muttered the boy as he stepped back in shock. "You would use her honor against her? Foul dog! How dare you keep her from her true love! The noble and righteous Tatewaki Kuno awaits her embrace with open arms!" "Why is this my fault? I don't have any say in the matter. If you want to do something about the engagement, go talk to Soun Tendo. It was his idea," commented Ranma lazily as he stood up from his seat. "Surely you cower in fear of my might, and seek to hide behind others! Manipulator! I shall free her from this unwanted engagement!" roared Kuno as he jumped towards the boy. Akane was busy with the student body, who had now sprung to life and were bombarding the pair with questions. Ranma ignored it in favor of Kuno, while Akane stammered nervously and tried to convince them that it wasn't her idea. ++++++++++ "Let's use the grenade!" said Dan. "I don't think that's a good idea, as cool as that'd be," grumbled Carrot as the boy charged them. "We have to get out of here!" snapped Ranma as he took the initiative and bolted from the room. Kuno cut the boy's desk in half and Ranma managed to make it out the door. The teacher was still standing there, with his mouth hung open. "Now what?" said Dan lazily as Ranma ran. "I say we kick his ass again," offered Carrot. "There's no room in here!" retorted Ranma. "Eh, you're just being a wuss," countered Carrot. "Let's blow him up!" cried Dan. "Man, you really want to use that thing don't you," said Carrot. "Hell yes!" snorted Dan. "I said no! Do you want to get arrested?" snapped Ranma. ++++++++++ Kuno was still just behind them, waving the bokuten around angrily. "Hold still knave! Receive your punishment!" Ranma stopped cold and turned to face the boy. "But...wouldn't that be stupid?" "It is fitting that you do so to not exert me. After all, it is inevitable that I will be victorious!" said Kuno as he stood proudly and puffed out his chest. "Not really, I beat you earlier pretty easy," continued Ranma as he looked thoughtful for a moment. "I do not admit defeat!" snapped Kuno as he glared at the boy. "That doesn't change the fact that you were beaten," pointed out Ranma. "Whether you admit it or not is irrelevant." "Silence dog!" snapped Kuno as he slashed the blade again. Ranma nimbly sidestepped and put his foot out, tripping the kendoist. Kuno was laid out across the floor, face first. He lifted his head up and glared at Ranma for a moment. "That hurt you know." A crowd of students was rushing up just behind them. "Oooo! And the winner gets to go out with Akane!" exclaimed a girl near the front. The girl in question was leading the mob, she took a quick glare back at them, but continued forward to where Ranma was standing over the fallen Kuno. "It's over already?" said one of the boys in shock. "Well, you saw what he did earlier," pointed out another boy. Kuno sat up and looked at the crowd. "I am not defeated. 'Tis merely base trickery by the evil of Ranma Saotome." "Evil?" said Ranma in mock confusion. ++++++++++ "Heh, that's us," snorted Carrot. "Shut up!" snorted Ranma at him. +++++++++ Outside Kuno was attacking them again. "Accept your fate! Be still knave!" "Nope, nuthin doin," said Ranma in retort. He was cheerfully bouncing off the walls. His face became serious again suddenly. "This is no place to fight Kuno! Follow me!" "That I shall!" replied the kendoist. +++++++++++++ "Not the window!" snapped Carrot as he halted the body suddenly. "What the?" said Ranma out loud as he felt himself stop. He quickly twisted and moved down a flight of stairs. "What did you do that for?" snapped Ranma angrily at Carrot. "There's a pool outside that window. We would have gotten wet," replied the voice as he rushed out onto the schoolyard. "Oh," muttered Ranma angrily. "But that would lead too..." started Dan. "I know, but I'm not in the mood. I say we kick his ass soundly. So bad that he can't deny that we beat him down!" said Carrot cheerfully as he moved into a combat stance. "Works for me," agreed Ranma. "Can we use the..." "No!" was the simultaneous reply. "Dang." +++++++++ At that moment, Kuno rushed out the doors. "Have at thee!" "Okay! You asked for it!" said Ranma as cheerfully as ever. He charged the kendoist head on. Kuno slashed and missed as Ranma danced around his strikes, punching and kicking at the older boy viciously. Kuno staggered back and grunted after a dozen or so strikes hit him. "Hey. Does that hurt?" said Ranma as he hopped up and down unharmed nearby. "Yes!" snapped Kuno irritably as he rubbed his jaw. "Okay, I just wanted to make sure you knew you were being defeated," said Ranma with a merry looking grin. "I do not admit defeat!" snapped Kuno. "I thought we went over this earlier," muttered Ranma in mock confusion as he avoided more strikes from the kendoist. "You cannot defeat me!" said Kuno as his bokuten suddenly became a blur of motion in front of him. "Sure I can!" said Ranma as he jumped up and back from the strikes. The blows shredded his clothes a little, but did no real damage. Behind him, a statue crumbled to dust. Kuno finally faltered in his attack, and Ranma winked at him. Then, the ponytailed boy rushed forward, slamming his fist into his gut. "The mighty blue thunder has never felt defeat!" roared the kendoist as he pulled back and prepared to strike again. "Really? Well," elbow, "this," punch, "is," kick, "what," uppercut, "defeat," knee, "feels," bitch slap, "like." Kuno fell to his knees, leaning against his bokuten. "I fight on!" Ranma punched him dead in the face, sending him sprawling across the ground on his back. He was still awake, but could obviously not move. "So now you know," said the boy cheerfully as he looked down at his fallen opponent. "I feel nothing!" announced Kuno. "That's because your nerves are in shock," commented Ranma lazily as he walked back towards the school. The crowd that had followed them parted in his wake. "It'll hurt later." ++++++++++ Carrot was happy. "That was fun!" Ranma was feeling pretty good too. "I guess, it was better than that schoolwork stuff." Dan was disappointed. "Why couldn't we use my grenade?" Akane was angry. "That stupid jerk! Why'd he have to go and tell the whole school?" Yuka, Akane's friend, was jealous. "Man, Akane got such a cute boyfriend." Sayuri, Akane's other friend, was happy for her. "I know! She's so lucky! I'm glad she finally found someone!" Hiroshi and Daisuke, Ranma's soon to be friends, were thinking perverted thoughts in unison. "I wonder if he's ever seen her...Hell! They've probably... I'll bet they've even..." Every other male in the room, was depressed. "Akane! We shall never forget you! Our first true love!" Kuno was in pain, "Perhaps the young Saotome has fought me to a draw? Such an even match of skills..." Nabiki was counting her money, and wishing she had more. Luckily, Kuno would see to that many times during the day. The janitor was crying. "Stupid martial artist! This was supposed to be an easy job!" The teacher had still not moved from his initial shock, and simply stood in the front of the room staring at the far wall. The security guard sat at his desk, sleeping soundly. "Ah-cha-cha- cha..." The vice-principal was crying, powerless to do anything about the mess. Thus, all was right with the world. But then, why did Sailor Pluto still have a headache? ++++++++++ Ranma walked home from school with a rather lazy stroll. Akane had gone on ahead of him, in favor of her friends. She vainly hoped to convince them that her fiancee was in name only. They of course insisted on asking embarrassing questions. Like, "How does he kiss?" and the like. The day had been rather bland after the incident with Kuno. Carrot and Dan kept him occupied through most of the day. Basically conversing inside his head while the teacher droned on about some impact or something or other, that is, after he finally recovered. None of the three was paying attention anyway, so it didn't matter. They passed by a rather attractive looking girl as they walked towards the Tendo home. A girl with long green hair, dressed in a business suit. Ranma paused with a blank look on his face as she strolled by, rubbing her temples lightly. "Hey! Look, it's Sailor Pluto," quipped the boy with a cheerful smile. Setsuna froze in mid stride, slowly turning towards the boy who was grinning at her dumbly. Ranma obliviously continued. "You're kinda cute. Can I buy you a cup of tea or something?" "Who are you?" snapped Setsuna angrily. Her fists balled up and she stepped back away from him. The boy blinked and looked around. Finding no one else standing nearby, he answered her. "Ranma Saotome." "What do you know about Pluto?" she snarled angrily. "Ninth planet in the solar system, really cold, really small, and really far away," said the boy obliviously. "That's not what I meant," snapped the girl as she rubbed at her temple again, not even realizing what she was doing. Ranma blinked, looking her up and down for a moment. "Huh? What the heck are you talking about?" "You called me Sailor Pluto. Why?" said the woman as her frown deepened even more. "Cause you kinda look like her. Sorry, I didn't know it was a soft spot," said the boy as he backed away from her with his hands put up. "I didn't mean anything by it." "How would you know what Sailor Pluto looks like?" said Setsuna as she relaxed a little. "Um, cause I've seen her before?" ventured Ranma nervously. +++++++++ "You've seen Sailor Moon before right, Ranma?" said Carrot nervously. "Who hasn't?" muttered Dan. "If he's a Japanese national, he's at least heard of it." "Huh? Sailor what?" replied Ranma dumbly. "Oh boy," said Carrot nervously. +++++++++++ "Where would you have seen Sailor Pluto before?" said Setsuna in a very dangerous tone. "Wait. You mean...you really are Sailor Pluto?" said Ranma as he backed away from her with a little sweat forming on his brow. "You've got some explaining to do," said the woman sharply. "Think fast genius! She's gonna kill us!" snapped Dan. ++++++++++ "Oh man," muttered Carrot as he desperately tried to think of a way out. "I've got it!" "Got what? What's going on? Who is this chick? And why do I feel like Carrot just screwed up?" cried Ranma in frustration. "Probably because he did," said Dan with a small frown. ++++++++++++ Ranma looked at the woman and gave her a nervous grin. "Look, I've been having these really weird dreams lately. I'm in some sort of kingdom, and I recognized you. I didn't think they meant anything! Honest!" Pluto frowned even deeper than before. "That shouldn't be possible. Only the senshi, and a few other key members of the Moon Kingdom were reborn," she thought to herself. "I don't recognize you." "Huh? What do you mean?! We were engaged or something!" snapped Ranma. +++++++++++ Carrot and Dan fell silent, both of them not wanting to say anything as Ranma blurted out something that surprised the both of them. "We were?" said Carrot after a moment. "Huh? I dunno," said Ranma in confusion. He was starting to wonder why he had said that himself. ++++++++++++++++ Pluto continued to glare at him for a moment. "Tim?" she said out loud. "No wait, that's not right...what was the name...oh yes. Genaku." She did not sound like she liked the name very much. ++++++++++ "Not good. She doesn't look happy," commented Dan. "Can I use the grenade now?" "That might be a good idea," said Carrot nervously. "Shut up! She ain't done nuthin yet!" snapped Ranma as he watched her carefully. ++++++++ Setsuna glared at the boy for a moment, and then whirled around. "I don't know you." All three boys involved quickly relaxed. The girl walked away calmly, leaving them behind. Naturally, she had other things to do, and it wasn't like the engagement still held. It was till death do they part, after all. Genaku had most certainly died. "Man, what crawled up her ass?" muttered Ranma as he watched her go. "I dunno, but I think it would be a good idea too leave her alone if we see her again," commented Carrot. "Don't be such a wuss," snorted Dan. "Yeah!" agreed Ranma. "You two shut up! I don't know about you morons, but I don't want to be on the receiving end of a Dead Scream!" snapped Carrot defensively. "So, now what?" muttered Ranma as he started walking again. "We gotta do something to Nabiki, just to make sure she doesn't try anymore stupid shit with us," said Carrot coolly. "I can handle that," said Dan lazily. "I didn't mean kill her!" snapped Carrot. "Oh. Well, tell me if you change your mind," said Dan with a shrug. "Will do," said Carrot cheerfully. +++++++++++ Ranma was sitting in front of the TV a half-hour later. He had a huge grin on his face as he did so, and merrily hummed along with the theme to the show. "What are you doing?" asked Nabiki. "Watchin TV," said Ranma happily. "I can see that. What is that anyway?" said the girl as she sat down next to him and sipped at a can of soda lazily. "Dragonball Z!" chimed Ranma. "You're an anime fan?" said the girl with a raised eyebrow. "Yup, this stuff is a luxury for me," said the boy as he kept his eyes glued to the screen. "I guess it would be if he spent all that time on the road," said Kasumi as she walked into the room and sat down with a cup of tea in her hands. "Boy! You don't have time to waste watching this rubbish!" exclaimed Genma as he walked into the room. He walked over and attempted to lift the boy up. Ranma, Dan, and Carrot all reacted in the same way. The trio punched the man at the same time. Genma Saotome flew into the air, and out into the yard. He slammed into the wall and slumped down. "It can wait...until the show is over I suppose." Ranma was too busy looking at his hand in confusion. "What the heck was that?" the three voices thought in unison. After a moment, they shrugged it off and sat back down. "Wasn't that overdoing it a bit?" commented Nabiki as she sipped at her drink again. "No one messes with a man and his Anime," replied Ranma as he nodded sagely. ++++++++++ Tatewaki Kuno sat in his room, deep in meditation. "I was almost defeated this day. Thankfully, my superior skill allowed me to escape such humiliation. Thus, I must think of a way to lay this sorcerer low." And he puzzled, and puzzed, till his puzzler was sore. Then Kuno had an idea. Tatewaki Kuno, got a wonderful, awful, idea. "I know just what to do!" Kuno laughed in his throat. "I'll make a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat!" Kuno paused. Perhaps that would not be of much help after all. He continued to think. +++++++++++ Deep in the mountains of Japan, inside a small village nestled in a tiny valley, a young boy rode through the forest on his mighty steed. Which consisted of him hopping around while banging two coconut halves together. Quite an odd sight indeed. He paused, rearing back as he did so. "Whoa! Easy now!" The boy frowned as he glanced around. "Oh bother, this isn't it either." "Who the heck are you?" said a voice from nearby. There was a small group of locals looking at him oddly. "Hello! Jolly good weather we're having isn't it?" said the boy as he pulled a jet-black European style umbrella from across his back and put it up over his head. "Jolly good indeed!" One of the locals blinked and stared at him for a moment. "No, it's raining." "Quite," said the boy with a cheery looking grin. "You lost or somethin?" asked the man. "What? Me, lost? Don't be...Actually...well, yes. I am," said the boy as he put his nose up slightly. "Stupid tourists," muttered a few of the crowd as they wandered away. The boy handed over a map, and pointed to a location. "I'm looking for a chap named Ranma Saotome, I believe he is in a place called Furinkan High." "You're nuts, this is Tokyo! You're on the wrong island!" "Oh! Oh my! Terribly sorry to bother you then," said the boy as he wandered away. "Funny, he doesn't look like a gajin," commented one of the remaining villagers. "Must be American," snorted the lead villager as he wandered back to whatever it was he was doing. "Prepare yourself Ranma Saotome! I shall at last defeat you! No one does something so rude to Ryoga Hibiki and escapes his wrath!" said the boy as he rode his mighty steed deeper into the mountains. ++++++++++++++ I know what you're thinking. WTF?!! Heh, there's reasons for everything people. Next time: Kuno's revenge, ponytailed loves, and Gentlemen's honor. Heh.