Insertion Part 2: The Fiancee Factor by Sean D'Anna ===== Ranma sat with his father and the Tendos in his male form several minutes later. All the girls were looking at him oddly, and a silence hung in the air around them. Ranma didn't notice, as he was busy with a conversation inside his own head. "Okay, one of these girls is going to be our fiancee for a while at least. We need to decide which one it's going to be," said Carrot. "What? I ain't going to marry no stupid girls!" snapped Ranma angrily. "What were you planning on marrying then?" muttered Dan with a small frown. "Right, now that it's settled. Who do we pick?" agreed Carrot. "I ain't pickin nobody!" snapped Ranma in retort. "And that ain't what I meant and you know it!" "Whatever," snorted Dan irritably. "Can we just get this over with?" "Okay, I say we pick Nabiki," said Carrot. "Huh? No way!" snapped Ranma. "You be quiet unless you've got something useful to say," replied Dan. "You won't be happy no matter what we say, and he's right, we have to pick somebody. Regardless of whether we intend to marry them. I for one don't want to get stuck with Akane," said Carrot in agreement. "I don't have ta do nuthin!" snapped Ranma indignantly. "Right, we'll just do it for ya," said Carrot cheerfully. Ranma growled, and considered punching himself in the face for a moment to teach them both a lesson. He then remembered that he was surrounded by other people, and managed to control himself. "Why Nabiki?" asked Dan. "Come on. Akane's going to beat the crap out of us and get in our way," said Carrot with another frown. "What's wrong with Akane? She seems nice enough," said Ranma, then he remembered something else the voice had mentioned. "Hey! I can take that slow chick anytime!" "You'll find out what's wrong with her soon enough," said Dan with a small chuckle. "Anyway, Nabiki's got a better body. I mean look at those things, Akane can't compare!" said Carrot sagely. "Kasumi is older, and more developed," pointed out Dan. "Yeah, but Nabiki is more likely to put out," said Carrot cheerfully. "Hey! What's that supposed to mean?" snapped Ranma in shock. "If you have to ask, you'll never know," deadpanned Carrot. "I like having money to spare," countered Dan. "Kasumi is more likely to leave us alone." "Yeah, but we get sent to Tofu's a lot in the beginning. I'd rather not get on his bad side," said Carrot with a little thought. "Good point," agreed Dan. "I don't intend to ever set foot in the place if I can help it though." "Wanna take that chance?" countered Carrot. "Not really, no," said Dan with a small sigh. "What the hell are you two talking about?" snapped Ranma irritably. "What's going on?" "We're deciding our future," replied Carrot as if the boy should already know. "What?! Hey! This is my life you jerks!" "And ours," pointed out Dan. "That ain't my fault! You two can't just decide stuff for me!" snapped Ranma angrily. "Hey, we're stuck here. We aren't deciding for you, we're deciding for us," said Carrot calmly. "It's my body!" snarled Ranma. "And you've been outvoted," said Dan. +++++++++ "Mr. Saotome, why is Ranma choking himself?" said Kasumi sweetly as she interrupted the man's explanation. "Huh? Oh that. It's nothing to worry about," said the man cheerfully. The other Tendo's simply watched in shocked silence as Ranma rolled around on the ground, punching and kicking himself as hard as he could. He even blocked several strikes to his own groin during the battle. Not caring about the odd connection this boy had with the redhead they had seen earlier that hadn't been explained yet. Nabiki quickly rushed to Akane's side. "Oh, he want's Akane." "Definitely," agreed Kasumi. "What? Why would he?" stammered the girl in shock as she looked at the boy in horror. "Well, you are the cute one sis!" said Nabiki. "Oh yes, all the boys at school like you. I'm sure he'll pick you anyway. We're just too plain looking!" agreed Kasumi. Nabiki growled and flashed a quick glance at her sister, but did not argue. "Hey! That's right! He must be a pervert! Just like all the others!" said Akane with a snarl as she began to apply pressure to her grip on the table, cracking the area around her fingers. By this time, Ranma had himself pinned up against the wall and was trying to pull his own hand away from his throat. Soun stood up next to the boy and pat him on the shoulder, ignoring the strangeness of the situation for a moment. "Well, congratulations son! Meet your new fiancee!" said the man as he waved his arm towards Akane. "Huh?" muttered the boy as he looked at her blankly. "Hey! I didn't pick nobody!" "Too bad, you should have been quicker," said Nabiki as she wandered away. "Oh my! I have to start dinner!" gasped Kasumi as she also left the scene very quickly. "Damn! This is all your fault, Ranma!" muttered Ranma under his breath quietly. No one seemed to notice this, and he sat back down. "Well, now that we have this settled. Perhaps we should explain this to Akane now, Saotome?" "Right," muttered Genma as he pushed his glasses up his nose. "What's to explain? I'm not marrying him!" snapped Akane as she crossed her arms and turned away from them. "Fine by me," muttered Ranma as he scratched his ear absently. His interest in the situation seemed to have vanished completely. "They just need some time to get used to the idea," said Soun. "However, we never did get to tell them about the curse." "It doesn't matter I suppose," said Genma with a small nod. "They'll find out sooner or later." "Curse? What curse?" said Akane as she spun around and glared at them like they had suddenly sprouted palm trees from the top of their heads. "Well, this curse," said Genma as he attempted to pick his son up and throw him over his shoulder, only to have the boy land in the yard just short of the koi. "Have you gained weight son?" he gasped as he looked at the boy for a moment. "Hey! You callin me fat old man?" snapped Ranma as he succeeded in throwing his father into the koi, changing him into a panda. "What the?" snapped Akane in shock. "You turn into a panda?" "No, I don't. I turn into a girl," said Ranma as he sighed and sat down. "We've already met, Akane." The girl blinked and stared at him for a moment. "You...you...you're that girl?" "Yup! Ain't it cool!?" said the boy cheerfully. His cocky grin changed to a rather innocent looking smile. "That...you...you...YOU PERVERT!" she picked up the table and attempted to slam it down on top of him. He nimbly jumped aside and looked at her in shock. "Hey! What the heck are you doin?" "I can't believe you! You looked at my body you letch!" snarled the angry girl as she prepared to swing again. She blinked as he seemed to appear directly in front of her face, after vanishing from where he had been, and poked her nose lightly. "Hey, you walked in on me lady," he replied. "It's different when a girl sees a boy!" she retorted shakily as she jumped back, dropping the table in the process. By this time, Soun and Genma were celebrating the union of the schools nearby. They each had a bottle of sake in their hands, and were waving around fans with tears of joy in their eyes. "Not really. I tried to tell you earlier, but you just didn't get it," said the boy as he sat down. "Besides, what's the big deal?" "What's the big deal!? You pervert!" she snapped. "Do you honestly think I get something out of that? I've got everything you've got," said Ranma calmly as he ignored her ranting. "Don't get mad at me because you screwed up lady. I told you I wasn't really a girl in the dojo, and I'm not the one who engaged us. This isn't my fault anymore than it is yours. I say, we take this out on the people who are really responsible." Genma and Soun looked up from their drinking with complete shock on their faces. Akane looked at the boy for a moment. He was glaring at his father with an odd smirk on his face, and cracking his knuckles absently. "Now boy..." muttered Genma as he backed away. "Come now Akane! You know I only want what's best for my little girl!" muttered Soun as he went completely pale; tears began to flow from his eyes as well. Akane looked back and fourth from her father to Ranma. Unable to decide what to do. Finally, she picked up the table again, and turned towards Genma and Soun. +++++++++++ "Well, that was fun!" said Carrot merrily as he sat down on the porch later that evening. Both of the parents were inside, nursing their injuries and lying on futons in their respective rooms. "I agree," said Dan. He found himself wishing there were more explosions involved though. He really missed China. "It wasn't that bad, at least after that Akane chick stopped trying to kill us," agreed Ranma with a small sigh. "Don't worry Ranma, we're going to find a way out of this mess. There's lots of women much cuter than Akane in the world!" said Carrot. "I've got an idea...it may help get Akane off our backs," said Dan with a small chuckle. "It's obvious she doesn't like boys, and has an ego bigger than the three of ours combined. She probably thinks we planned all this to get in her pants or something." "Really?" said Ranma with a hopeful smile. "Hey! You thought of something?" said Carrot in surprise. "Shut up!" snapped Dan as he punched himself in the jaw. "Ouch! I was just kiddin!" grumbled Carrot irritably as he rubbed at their face gingerly. "Anyway, we'll tell Akane that there's someone else, and we can't marry her. That way, she'll pretty much leave us alone," said Dan. "Is she about five seven, with long purple hair?" muttered Carrot cheerfully. "I ain't marrying that psycho chick!" said Ranma in a panic. "I like her, but I ain't marrying her. We've all seen how they treat men in that village, and I agree that it ain't for us," said Dan with a small frown. "Ah ha! Ukyo! You're an Ukyo junkie!" said Carrot happily as he smacked is palm. "Ucchan? You guys are sick! I knew it!" screamed Ranma in terror. "We are not you dope! Ukyo Kuonji is a girl nimrod!" snapped Carrot. "He ain't! I'd know if my best friend was a girl!" retorted Ranma. "Carrot is right, Ukyo is a girl. She's a bit of a tomboy, but still a girl," said Dan calmly. "It ain't true!" snapped Ranma indignantly. "Look, if Ukyo is a boy, I promise we won't try anything. Okay?" said Carrot with a small sigh. "Right! You're damn right you won't!" replied Ranma irritably. "Still, the 'someone else' plan should work. Akane's anything but attached to us. We'll explain things to her tomorrow. I'm sure we can pull it off. Especially since Genma already spent the dowry," said Carrot cheerfully. "Should be easy enough," agreed Dan. "You promised!" warned Ranma. "And we intend to keep our promise too," said Carrot with a sly grin forming on his face. He, of course, had no intentions of marrying Ukyo Kuonji, but it would make a good cover for a while with Akane; possibly curbing her insane jealousy a bit. +++++++++ "Oh my! He's so animated," said Kasumi as she sat at the table and watched Ranma mutter to himself outside. "What a weirdo," said Nabiki from beside her. "He just sits there, making faces." "I guess he's the quiet contemplative type? He should be good for Akane," said Kasumi cheerfully. "I think he's nuts, and we should get rid of him as fast as we can. Getting married to a loon is the last thing Akane needs." "Nabiki! That's not very nice!" chastised Kasumi. "It's true though, and we have to help her! For the good of the family, Kasumi!" "I suppose you're right," said the older girl as Ranma began to laugh maniacally to himself. "But don't be to hard on him, Nabiki." "Right, I'll only do what I have too," said the younger girl with a small sigh, as she hung her head guiltily. She hated it when Kasumi made her promise things like that too her. Still, she could work around it easily enough. After all, what would be 'enough' wasn't quite clear. ++++++++++++ "School?" asked Ranma as he sat with his father the next morning. Genma sat across from Ranma with a huge black eye and his arm in a sling. "That's right boy. We are going to be staying a while." "I guess it's been a while since I've been to school," said Ranma with a small shrug. "It's the same school Akane and I go to! See you there!" said Nabiki cheerfully as she ran towards the door. Akane stood up. "Hey! Wait up! I'll go with you!" Nabiki paused and looked back at Ranma for a moment. "He can't do that much damage just walking to school, and Akane can take care of herself," she thought to herself. "Sorry, he's your fiancee, you should walk him to school." Akane glared at the boy for a moment. He merely stood and walked past her towards the door. "Well, are you coming?" he said without looking back at her. Akane held her breath for a moment, puffing out her cheeks in frustration. "Jerk!" +++++++++++ "When we get to school, we don't know each other!" said Akane angrily as she looked up at the boy walking along the fence lazily. "When we get to school, I'm an old friend of your family, and nothing more," said Ranma as he looked down at her coolly. "I don't want you following me around! Got it?" she snapped in retort. "Hey! Why would I..." started Ranma, but his expression quickly changed again. "Look, we've got to talk, right now." He hopped down next to her and gently grabbed her wrist. The girl stopped and whirled around to glare at him. She paused and glanced over her shoulder as a splash of water hit the ground behind her. An old woman was emptying out her bath water from a pail, with a ladle. "Don't touch me!" snapped the girl as she pulled her hand away. "I've got no intention of marrying you, Akane. It isn't because you don't like me, or I just want to disobey my own father either," said Ranma calmly as he leaned against the wall with a rather casual air about him. "What are you talking about?" muttered Akane uncomfortably. "There's someone else," said Ranma coolly. "And you still came to my house and..." seethed Akane. "Shut up and listen," said Ranma with a dead calm that bothered her slightly. Akane fell silent and looked at the ground for a moment. "When I was six, my stupid old man engaged me to someone else. He took the dowry and ran off without her, never intending to honor the agreement in favor of this one. Ukyo was my best friend, and my dad thought that I thought she was a boy, and that I didn't know about the engagement." Ranma paused for a moment and looked at the girl in silence. Akane was simply glaring at him, not saying a word. "Now, our parents are going to try to make us do this no matter what, but Ukyo has lost her dowry already, my father wasted it. That makes her engagement more valid than this one as far as I'm concerned, no matter which one was first. So, you're going to calm the hell down, and stop being such a little bitch, right now." "What?" snapped Akane in shock. "I didn't ask to get dragged here you know. I like this less than you do, but if Pop finds out I know about this other engagement, he might do something stupid. So we're just going to keep our mouths shut, and play along. Got it?" said the boy as calmly as ever. Akane growled and clenched her fists tightly and snorted in disgust at the boy in front of her. "Fine." "Good," said Ranma cheerfully. "Let's go to school then!" "You know, Pop was following us," said Ranma inside their head. Carrot blinked and chuckled to himself. "So he was, I forgot." "Did you?" said Dan with a wry smile crossing their face for a moment. "That's a secret," said Carrot cheerfully. They continued to walk behind the strangely silent Akane, allowing her to lead them to the school. ++++++++++++ Genma frowned as he backed into the shadows again. "The boy knows!" The phrase worked over and over in his mind. "This isn't good, I've got to think of a way out of this. Ranma must marry Akane, he just has too! With the agreement with Soun, we'll get the dojo! The Saotome name cannot be soiled like this, there must be a way!" As he thought this to himself, he was absently rubbing the front of his neck nervously. "I'll deal with the boy later, when we're alone..." he decided after a moment. ++++++++++ "Hate boys! Hate boys! Hate boys! HATE BOYS!!" screamed Akane as her morning tradition began. Ranma blinked and started walking forward with his hands in his pockets lazily. "Oh yeah," he said out loud, as if he'd just remembered something. Akane met the hoards of boys attacking her and he followed just behind her, stepping over fallen bodies, and ducking under the occasional thrown ones. Finally, they were all defeated leaving her and Ranma about halfway to the doors of the school. The ponytailed boy was standing in the middle of the one time crowd, and looking around idly. He didn't seem particularly concerned with this new development. Finally, he stepped forward, just in time to catch a flying rose from the air. "What the?" he muttered in confusion. He turned and handed the rose to Akane. "Here, this is probably yours." "You there! How dare you give a rose of love to Akane Tendo?!" said a new voice from behind a nearby tree. "What are you so worried about? It wasn't intended for me, and she's the only other person standing right now. At least, I hope it wasn't for me," said Ranma calmly as he turned to face the boy who had stepped from behind the trunk. "True, it was intended for my love, the tigress Akane Tendo," said the boy with a frown as he glared at Ranma. "Well, you should be more careful, that could have hurt someone the way you threw it," said Ranma as he started walking away. "Fool! Did I give you my leave!" snapped Kuno as he stepped towards the strange boy. "Did I ask permission to leave?" said Ranma coolly. "It is obvious you do not know who it is that you are dealing with!" snapped Kuno arrogantly. "The sound of my voice..." "Shut up. I know exactly who you are. You're the regional Kendo Champion, Tatewaki Kuno, the self proclaimed 'Shooting Star'. Don't speak to me like I'm your servant," Ranma continued to walk away, leaving Kuno with his mouth hanging open. "That wasn't much fun Carrot," muttered Dan from inside the boy's head. "Wait for it," said Carrot as he slowed their pace slightly. "Hold," said Kuno as his jaw hardened. He looked towards Akane for a moment. "Forgive me my love, but we shall spar in but a moment. I must first lay this dog low. I must, in my wisdom, show him where his place upon these hallowed grounds is." Kuno raised his weapon and rushed towards Ranma, who was now standing still, and glancing over his shoulder with a smile on his face. "How bad do we want to hurt him?" said Carrot as the boy approached. "As much as we can, let's just kill him and be done with it," snorted Dan. "No! Just knock him out or something!" retorted Ranma. "Cur! I shall smite thee for thy insolence!" roared Kuno as he swung the blade down. Ranma merely struck out with his hand, catching Kuno in the throat. The kendoist stood still for a moment, with the blade halfway swung. He made a small gurgling noise and fell flat on his back, gasping for breath desperately. "Damn it!" snapped Ranma irritably. "Why did you do that?" "Hey, he had a weapon!" retorted Carrot. "I can't jump around like you can remember? We've only been training with you and your father for a couple of months!" "You should have let me handle this then!" cried Ranma. "There was no time for delegation," snorted Dan. "You're lucky it wasn't me, I would have used our grenade." "That reminds me! Why are we still carrying that around? We don't even need it here!" snapped Ranma. "Because I don't go anywhere without something on me. I can't openly carry a gun around in Japan, and this is easier to hide!" grumbled Dan. "Calm down, both of you. You're ruining our dramatic exit," said Carrot as he turned them away from the fallen Kuno. "Well, at least the day can't get any worse," muttered Ranma angrily. "Heh, you ain't seen nothing yet," chuckled Carrot. ++++++++++++ Pluto frowned as she looked at the empty bottle on her table. She'd run out again. The pain in her head was throbbing, irritating her more and more with each passing moment. "Damn, I've got to go," she grumbled as she stood up and grabbed a coat. "Damn prescription." Unfortunately for Pluto, there were no pharmacies on the entire planet. Which meant that it's guardian had to go elsewhere to get her medications. "Back to Earth again," muttered the Senshi. Luckily, Venus had been awakened now. She should be able to handle things for the moment without her, for a short time anyway. Setsuna smirked as she teleported away; she always did enjoy getting out a bit. Who knew, maybe this trip, something interesting would happen? +++++++++++++++ TBC... NEXT TIME: Hallway Horrors, Setsuna's pills, and "What the heck is Dragonball Z"?